Nothing, Breath and Regeneration



The past few weeks have been filled with administrative tasks, a tightening day-job-schedule, preparations for and participating in a large art show, getting paperwork in line for an upcoming trip, taking care of my daughter, and, oh yeah, completing settlement and moving into a new home. And then on top of that, we just got back home from a week-long trip to see family in Tokyo. And now we are home and trying to get this new old house in shape.


So, basically, a bit busy.


As a sacrifice to the schedule-fairies, I haven’t been making much art over the past few weeks (besides a bit of sketching). And without art-making, I feel myself grow sour to the world. My muscles are tight and I sink quick into states of mope and stress. This is unfortunately, my common and frequent reaction. I need to have time to create and let my mind go, or my engine goes all angry.


This usual state is one of a bull at the fence. I prefer to thrash forward, push and pull, stretch and bend. I chafe at the idea of backing off, and never think to rest when I can see the fields in front of me.  The work is the place I always want to go to think, the action is the figuring it out, the envisioning is the movement of the brush. Wild with activity, I am not one who enjoys rest and respite.


So, I am forcing myself to sit and embrace this time off from creating. Sitting by the river and letting ideas move along. Content with the belief that this is a moment to let go and regenerate. Its not easy for me, but I am forcing myself to recognize that rest is the best way to move forward.After a month of business I itch to get back to it, but I am sitting and listening, before I dig in.


Nothing, Breath and Regeneration. These have been my mantras and my salve to a seemingly unending busy-ness. Staying calm, a bit of meditating, reflecting and listening. The relaxed muscle before it strengthens, the breath before the dive, the calm center of storms. They are mindsets I am trying to embrace more and more lately. Every moment away is a moment of preparation. Not active preparation, just calm, with no direction till the direction comes.


And now clarity is coming to me, and directions and currents are presenting themselves. Like water gliding along the rocks and through the purifying dirts and sands. In the winter of the creative mind, things stir under the surface. It takes a lot of patience to understand that your consciousness is just a surface to your self, and below where you think you are mentally, much is stirring and whirring (like robots!).


Its been a bit of time away, but now thinks will start to slip. Like and engine.